Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

It was one year ago today.

I had a perfect, six month old, IVF son and found myself spontaneously pregnant! It was a miracle!!! We were so excited!

Our "Surprise" Baby

It was a roller coaster few weeks of too early for a heartbeat, then a slow heart rate and finally, on October 15, 2011, no heartbeat again, at 9 weeks.

I'm certain she was a girl. Our first daughter.

That loss shook me to my core. Why was allowed to get pregnant naturally to have it torn away from me?! I just couldn't grasp that.

Less than three months later, we did a FET. I became pregnant with our twins. I was elated and terrified all at the same time.

The twins at about 9 weeks

Three weeks after the NT scan where we initially learned that our baby had a defect "not compatible with life," there was no heartbeat.

Our second daughter died at 15 weeks, leaving behind her twin brother.

We lost our two angels about six months apart.

I think I will forever be healing.

Today I am lighting three candles. One for each of our daughters and the third for all of your angels.

Sadly, I know I am not alone in my grief. My heart breaks for everyone that has experienced this deep sadness. I am just so grateful that I have my two boys on earth. Not everyone that experiences a loss gets to experience parenting and I don't take it for granted!

Me and my earth angels