to vent, please!
I promise this isn't a "woe is me" post. I'm feeling like I'm seeing my limit more and more and I know that if I write it all out and get it off my chest, I'll be able to go back to being grateful for my life.
My last post was almost a month ago. The lack of posting has mostly been because things have settled down - thankfully. Once baby girl passed away, my pregnancy has progressed fairly normally. We still see the perinatologist every two weeks. She just ensures that everything is okay, which is great for this obsessive, infertile mind that I have. I have been bleeding constantly since our last ER visit. I have been bleeding on and off this ENTIRE pregnancy! Two weeks ago, the peri was able to see and measure a substantial hematoma right above my cervix. It's roughly the size of my fist. This lovely mass is what's causing all the bleeding. As baby boy is growing, he's pushing on this hematoma causing the blood to slowly come out. At my peri appointment last week, the hematoma is nearly completely solidified (a blood clot instead of a pool.) It hadn't shrunk much, if any, but she said she is happy to see it clotting. That means there is no fresh bleeding. Unfortunately, it still means I'm bleeding. So annoying. Buuuut, baby boy is doing GREAT!!! None of this is bothering him one bit!
Because of this bleeding, I'm convinced my body thinks I'm having a period (the longest period EVER, thankyouverymuch!) and I'm crazy irritable. Also, because of this bleeding and all the excitement with this pregnancy, I've been on pelvic rest (read: no hanky panky for me) since January! Yep...working on five months!!! I think the lack of 'fun times' is also making me insanely irritable. And believe it or not, I actually want me some action. Probably just because I can't but nevertheless, I'll be very happy when this restriction lets up.
Also, at the beginning of April, the hubs had hernia surgery. Now, I know that surgery is no fun. I understand. I know that hernia surgery is especially no fun. I get it, I really do but come on!!! He laid on the couch for two weeks straight!!! I was supposed to be on "light duty" to stop all the fresh bleeding at the time but I instead I had to take care of two babies. My husband is a wonderful man but he turns into mush when he's sick. That two weeks was hell.
During those two weeks, Gavin decided to turn into a demon-child. I think he might've been teething a bit and also he's just at a crappy stage. He is learning his independence but doesn't have the capabilities to do all that he thinks he can, so he screams! At the top of his lungs! I also started to wean him from being carried so much. I can't do anything in the kitchen without him trying to climb my leg to see what I'm doing. I would normally pick him up and attempt to make food while holding him. Now, I tell him what I'm doing and try to comfort him but I won't pick him up. It's gotten better but he's still happiest at our level.
Once the hubsgot his balls back recovered, things got a little better. He'd play with G so I could fix dinner peacefully. We were able to co-parent again. It was nice. The hubs was off for over a month. I really do love having him home but he wore on each and every nerve I have. It's not his fault. Remember, I am crazy irritable. I feel bad but, dear Lord, I reached my limit.
Life is calming down significantly, except, now...I have a cold. It came on last week. It's just a head cold but it's kicking my @ss! Three days into my cold, G got it. Poor baby! Today is day three of G's cold and seems to be well on his way to shaking it. Me, on the other hand, I'm nearly a week in and I'm feeling about 80%.
The hubs went back to work Sunday. He works 48 hours and then he's off for 8 days. I'm looking forward to him being back home (really! I am!) buuuuuuut, tomorrow he's having outpatient toe surgery. They're cutting bits of his toe nails out to help with some of his feet issues. Ugh!!! I really hope he doesn't also catch our cold at the same time. THAT would be the icing on the $hitcake!
So, now that I've gotten all that off my chest, I feel like a whiny brat. All off this will pass and I know it'll get better. All of this madness has been too much for this emotionally and physically exhausted momma. Anyone want to meet up for a kid-free, husband-free vacation?!?!
This coming weekend we'll be celebrating the hubs' 31st birthday and my second Mother's Day. Sunday, is also the due date for the baby we lost in October. It's going to be a busy weekend!
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I promise this isn't a "woe is me" post. I'm feeling like I'm seeing my limit more and more and I know that if I write it all out and get it off my chest, I'll be able to go back to being grateful for my life.
My last post was almost a month ago. The lack of posting has mostly been because things have settled down - thankfully. Once baby girl passed away, my pregnancy has progressed fairly normally. We still see the perinatologist every two weeks. She just ensures that everything is okay, which is great for this obsessive, infertile mind that I have. I have been bleeding constantly since our last ER visit. I have been bleeding on and off this ENTIRE pregnancy! Two weeks ago, the peri was able to see and measure a substantial hematoma right above my cervix. It's roughly the size of my fist. This lovely mass is what's causing all the bleeding. As baby boy is growing, he's pushing on this hematoma causing the blood to slowly come out. At my peri appointment last week, the hematoma is nearly completely solidified (a blood clot instead of a pool.) It hadn't shrunk much, if any, but she said she is happy to see it clotting. That means there is no fresh bleeding. Unfortunately, it still means I'm bleeding. So annoying. Buuuut, baby boy is doing GREAT!!! None of this is bothering him one bit!
Because of this bleeding, I'm convinced my body thinks I'm having a period (the longest period EVER, thankyouverymuch!) and I'm crazy irritable. Also, because of this bleeding and all the excitement with this pregnancy, I've been on pelvic rest (read: no hanky panky for me) since January! Yep...working on five months!!! I think the lack of 'fun times' is also making me insanely irritable. And believe it or not, I actually want me some action. Probably just because I can't but nevertheless, I'll be very happy when this restriction lets up.
Also, at the beginning of April, the hubs had hernia surgery. Now, I know that surgery is no fun. I understand. I know that hernia surgery is especially no fun. I get it, I really do but come on!!! He laid on the couch for two weeks straight!!! I was supposed to be on "light duty" to stop all the fresh bleeding at the time but I instead I had to take care of two babies. My husband is a wonderful man but he turns into mush when he's sick. That two weeks was hell.
During those two weeks, Gavin decided to turn into a demon-child. I think he might've been teething a bit and also he's just at a crappy stage. He is learning his independence but doesn't have the capabilities to do all that he thinks he can, so he screams! At the top of his lungs! I also started to wean him from being carried so much. I can't do anything in the kitchen without him trying to climb my leg to see what I'm doing. I would normally pick him up and attempt to make food while holding him. Now, I tell him what I'm doing and try to comfort him but I won't pick him up. It's gotten better but he's still happiest at our level.
Once the hubs
Life is calming down significantly, except, now...I have a cold. It came on last week. It's just a head cold but it's kicking my @ss! Three days into my cold, G got it. Poor baby! Today is day three of G's cold and seems to be well on his way to shaking it. Me, on the other hand, I'm nearly a week in and I'm feeling about 80%.
The hubs went back to work Sunday. He works 48 hours and then he's off for 8 days. I'm looking forward to him being back home (really! I am!) buuuuuuut, tomorrow he's having outpatient toe surgery. They're cutting bits of his toe nails out to help with some of his feet issues. Ugh!!! I really hope he doesn't also catch our cold at the same time. THAT would be the icing on the $hitcake!
So, now that I've gotten all that off my chest, I feel like a whiny brat. All off this will pass and I know it'll get better. All of this madness has been too much for this emotionally and physically exhausted momma. Anyone want to meet up for a kid-free, husband-free vacation?!?!
This coming weekend we'll be celebrating the hubs' 31st birthday and my second Mother's Day. Sunday, is also the due date for the baby we lost in October. It's going to be a busy weekend!
