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| My final belly pic, 27 weeks...taken 6/30, the day before I cheked into the hospital |
The day I had Madden started out fairly normal. The hubs’ parents and our good friends were going to come visit at some point. The hubs’ mom had a hair appointment at 11am and said they’d be over after that. I assumed they’d be here between 1-2pm. We made arrangements for our friends to come by around 3-4pm so they wouldn’t overlap and we could actually enjoy our time with the friends. During the afternoon, our neighbors decided they were also going to come by but they were bringing ice cream, so I allowed it.
As lonely as I was and as much as I wanted company, this was all getting a little overwhelming. It’s exhausting to have people visit. I was dreading having to entertain everyone.
The hubs also had to leave the hospital around 5pm. He was spending the afternoon with me (and we thought visiting with his parents and our friends) and he would head home to relieve my mom from Gavin duty.
Well, the hubs and I sat around all day waiting for his parents. We called them at 1:30pm and they said they’d be here in an hour, they were out shopping. We told our friends to come a little later as we were trying to avoid the overlap. About 4:30pm the hub’s mom calls and says they’re on their way. WTF!?! They were supposed to be here two hours ago (based on their last call) and I had expected them three hours ago. I was beyond annoyed!!! All the visitors were going to be here at the same time!!!
The neighbors (and the ice cream) got here first, around 5pm. Our friends got here next, around 5:15pm, the hubs left shortly after and the ILs got here about 5:30pm (side note: when the hubs got off the elevator to leave, he saw his parents checking in at the front desk so he ducked into the bathroom to avoid them. Nice!!!)
The visit, although completely exhausting, wasn’t so bad. We all just sat around chatting. I was getting really hot though. I assumed it was because there were so many people in my damn room and they were using up all my precious a/c. Looking back, I wonder if that was the beginning of my busy night.
The neighbors left about 7pm, the ILs at 7:15pm and the friends stayed. It was nice to hang with them and catch up without juggling everyone else too.
It was during this hour that I was starting to have more contractions. It had been two hours since my last nyfetapine (a pill designed to lower blood pressure but also calms smooth muscles, aka the uterus.) I was normally getting 2-3 hours of “calm” after the nyfet. The contractions would progressively increase until my next dose was due (six hours between doses.)
Since I was chatting with our friends, I wasn’t paying too much attention to the frequency of the contractions. I knew they were picking up but I wasn’t too concerned.
By 7:30pm, I noticed they were a little stronger than usual. I wouldn’t call them painful but maybe just tighter. The nurse came in because she noticed the frequency and wanted to check on me. She told me we’d start my nightly NST a little earlier, around 8pm. I told our friends they’d need to leave then so I could do the NST in peace.
Then I started texting…
7:16pm (to hubs) Your parents JUST left!!!
8:29pm (to hubs, bff and mom) 17 cx between 7-8pm
8:42pm (to hubs) Terb en route. Ugh!!! I’ll call you in a bit.
*I noticed, but was possibly in denial a bit, that the contractions were a little stronger. They weren’t necessarily painful but they had more “umph” to them and I was feeling them very low, near my pubic bone.
9:34pm (to bff) Got another terb shot about 30 mins ago. Threatening mag again if it doesn’t work. Ugh!!! Fingers crossed.
9:40pm (from bff) Praying, the terb is rough. How are you handling it?
9:40pm (to bff) Fine. Still contracting. :’(
9:42pm (from bff) How far apart are the cx?
9:42pm (to bff) 3-5 mins. I’m due for my nyfet in 15 mins. I’m going to see if they’ll let that take effect before going straight to the mag.
9:47pm (to hubs) Wow wow wow! THAT one huuuuuurt!
9:49pm (to hubs) The nurse is coming
9:57pm (to hubs) 12 cx since the terb, she’s getting the nyfet now
10:00pm (to hubs) / 10:02pm (to bff) I’m getting scared. Cx are starting to really hurt.
*At 10pm they told me they were going to move me to L&D (just down the hall) where they would be able to monitor me closer and start the mag. I got up and started gathering things together. While I was up moving around for those few minutes, I reallystarted to feel the contractions. They were actually painful and I was having to stop to breathe through them.
10:02pm (to mom) 12 cx since the terb, she’s getting my nyfet now. I’m getting scared. Cx are starting to really hurt.
10:04pm (from hubs) Well let’s hope the terb kicks in with the nyfet
10:04pm (from bff) Deeeeeep breaths. Try your hardest to relax! Start at your toes and work up to your legs.
10:04pm (from mom) Do you want me to come down?
10:04pm (to mom) Not yet, waiting for the dr.
10:05pm (from hubs) Do you want me to go to the hospital?
10:05pm (to hubs) Waiting for the dr. You might need to.
10:07pm (from mom) Ok. Keep me posted. I can be there are soon as you want me to be. Or I can stay with Gavin if you would rather have Jim there.
10:08pm (to mom) Moving to L&D.
10:09pm (from mom) Ok. Let me know what you need from us. We are standing by.
10:11pm (to hubs) Going to L&D. Talk to mom. Someone needs to come down here.
* I was in the wheel chair on my way to L&D when I sent this. The walk is less than two minutes. By the time I got to my room, I was having major contractions! I couldn’t move or talk during them. The tightening was insane and the pain in back was very reminiscent of the back labor I had with G. I was scared.
10:14pm (to hubs) Room 7
10:29pm (from bff) How’s it going?
* They started me on the mag immediately. When I first checked into L&D on 7/1, they had me on a mag dose of 3 (I don’t know the measurement.) When things settled down they lowered it to 2 and when things picked up a bit they went up to 2.5. When they hooked me up on Saturday (in labor) they started me on a 6!!! I’m not sure if you remember but the mag side effects are brutal. Magnesium sulfate is a muscle relaxer. You can expect to feel muscle weakness, lack of energy, headache, nausea and vomiting, stuffy nose, blurry vision, slurred speech, and flushing. The worst side effect, for me, and it comes on quickly and strong, is the heat. I immediately feel like I’m cooking from the inside out. I get HOOOOOOOTTTTT!!! When I was on a 3, earlier in the week, I felt pretty hot. I needed ice packs to feel like I wasn’t baking. Put me on a 6, I thought I was going to die.
The doctor came in to do an ultrasound.
I immediately heard her quietly say (to the other doctor,) “bulging bag of waters.” I knew what that meant. She continued the u/s, she needed to see the position of the baby. He was transverse. His head near my left pelvic bone, hand/arm right above the cervix in the bulging bag of waters and his feet on my right side. This meant, if/when my water broke, we’d risk his umbilical cord falling out and him possibly suffocating should just body shift down and put pressure on the cord.
She started talking to me about delivery. I was internally panicking that they’d make me deliver vaginally and I was in A LOT of pain. The back “labor” was intense. The contractions were back to back and lasted at least a minute. If I had to have a c-section, it would most likely be a “classical cesarean” which meant that the incision into the uterus would be vertical.
*In addition to my own person hell feeling like I was cooking, they tilted the bed at an angle towards my head to relieve the pressure of the bulging bag of water.
10:31pm (from bff) Is Jim headed there?
10:33pm (to bff) I hope so
10:33pm (from hubs) On my way.
10:33pm (from mom) Does that mean your water is about to break?
10:33pm (to mom) Yes
10:35pm (from bff) Deeeppp breaths. Deeeep breaths. Try to concentrate on relaxing.
*The hubs walked in around 10:45pm. The neonatologist came in to talk to us to see if we had any questions about delivering a baby at 28 weeks.
At 11pm, I felt a “pop.” The hubs says he heard it on the monitor. It felt like when you’re walking about your knee pops, it sounded (on the monitor) like flicking a watermelon. I felt a small amount of fluid. I told the nurse, “I think my water just broke.” She swabbed but couldn’t determine if the blood was from the bleeding I’ve been having forever or amniotic fluid and blood. She called the doctor back in.
When the doctor came in this time, she was mentally prepping me for a c-section (thank God!) and possibly an emergency situation where I’d have to put under general anesthesia meaning I’d be completely asleep during the birth of our second son. She told the nurse to page the anesthesiologist to start my epidural. I was nervous about the epi because I was having such insane contractions and I didn’t know how I’d be able to be still while they put it in.
10:56pm (from bff) LOVE YOU!!!
* At 11:10(ish,) while talking to the doctor, my water broke. I felt a HUGE gush of fluid. The initial gush was the water, immediately after that gush I felt another and I could tell that that gush was blood. It was thicker and I could just tell. The doctor lifted my gown and calmly said, “okay, bag of waters ruptured at 11 blah blah (whatever time it was,) there is some blood in the fluid.” She was half talking to me and half to the nurse. I then vividly felt at least one more gush.
I felt such a relief. The contractions stopped, or stopped hurting at least. I was able to be very coherent for all that followed.
The doctor needed to check my cervix and see if any part of the baby was presenting itself. “The clot,” the subchorionic hematoma that had been a part of me for months, came out. I saw the shadow of it as she picked it up and moved it. I wanted to see it closer but I didn’t think it was the appropriate thing at the time. I felt like I had seen it for so long on u/s that I wanted to have the closure as we parted. Crazy? I know. I didn’t look at the hubs directly but I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He’s not fazed by blood and trauma (he makes a great firefighter!) but I could tell by the face he was making that there was a lot of blood and he was scared.
Also, keep in mind, my bed is still tilted backward. Every gush of fluid was running towards my head. I remember feeling it at my shoulders.
She checked my cervix, I was dilated to 2cm. The nurse was having trouble finding the baby on the fetal monitor. The doctor grabbed the u/s machine to check. He was now head down but his heart rate had dropped, drastically.
The doctor called out “CODE APGAR.” I didn't exactly know what it meant but I knew it was a very serious situation and the baby was in some sore of distress. It was like a "code blue" in the movies. Chaos insued. It was the most frightening experience ever. Immediately, alarms started going off, doctors and nurses came out of nowhere, they started wheeling me to OR. As they ran me down the hall a nurse lifted my gown and started shaving my nether regions with an electric razor. They told the hubs to wait and they’d come get him.
I got into the OR and it was madness. There were about a dozen people in the room, they were all buzzing around with the feeling of organized chaos. People we’re putting gowns and masks on as they were prepping the room for surgery. I stared at the tiles on the ceiling begging with my eyes to be put to sleep. I glanced at the clock. It was about 11:12.
I had the most amazing anesthesiologist. He was my angel. He had his mask on already; I could only see his eyes. He got very close to me and, in the kindest voice, said, “I’m going to try my best to tell you what’s happening but things are a little crazy in here, try to be calm.” I thanked him. He put the oxygen mask on me. I thought it was the meds to make me go to sleep. I started taking deeeeep breaths hoping I’d fall asleep. I was shaking uncontrolably.
They poured the betadine on my tummy. It was cold and it ran down my sides to my back. I saw a scalpel. I kept thinking, “I’m still awake!” The anesthesiologist put my arms all the way out to my sides and strapped them down. He said, “I know you’re scared. We’re going to take good care of you.” They put up the curtain at my shoulders. I asked if they could put me to sleep yet. I just wanted to be asleep. I have never been so frightened in my life. People started saying, “I’m ready if you’re ready. I’m ready if you’re ready” all around the room. The anesthesiologist told me he was going to give me the meds to put me to sleep. I saw the clock, 11:15pm. I blinked three times.
I woke up in recovery at 1am, Sunday, July 8th. I was more alert than I remember feeling after other surgeries. I just looked around trying to get a grasp on what had just happened. About 20 minutes passed before the hubs came in. I started to cry. He told me that he had been in the hall when the NICU team ran out with Madden. The doctor called to the hubs as they zoomed by that the baby was fine. That was all he had known about me and Madden for two hours. Poor guy! He didn’t realize I was going under general anesthesia and he wouldn’t be allowed in the room.
I also asked her about our daughter. Did she see her? She said she definitely saw and removed the extra placenta. There was "something" on the placenta that we know to be Baby A but she said it wasn't obvious that was another baby. She said it was just evidence of another baby. It was all sent to pathology.
When Madden was born, he came out crying. I still cry when I think about this. My tiny, 28 week old, fighter of a son, managed to cry. Thank God I got the steroid shots when I did. Obviously, they served their purpose.
On the way back to my room (the room I had been in for 6 days in the ante partum unit,) they wheeled my bed by the NICU. I was able to see our second born son for the first time. I sobbed. I didn’t know what to expect and I was scared at what I was going to see. I imagined an alien looking baby with super clear skin that you could see all the veins through. What I saw was a perfect, yet tiny, newborn baby. His skin is pink, he has dark hair on his tiny, round head. He has his daddy and big brother’s nose but seems to mostly resemble me. He was some seriously large feet and long fingers, just like his momma!
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| Two days old All stretched out, sleeping peacefully under the jaundice light |
We got back to the room at 3am. Oddly, I couldn’t sleep. I had a fair amount of adrenaline running through my system and I was in a descent amount of pain, despite the morphine pump I had in place. I spent my time updating my amazing tweeps and catching up on what I missed while I was “away.” I would doze off but jolt awake having horrible flashbacks. I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from PTSD. I just can’t sleep easily but it makes sense since my mind is just a mess. Between being away from G for a week, the emergency delivery in the scariest fashion, the worry about Madden in NICU and the pain I’m experiencing (physically and emotionally,) who could sleep?!?
I spoke to the doctor before I left the hospital about the delivery. She told me what I mentioned above (about not ever really knowing the true cause of labor) but she said that she knew my water breaking was imminent when she did the first u/s. She didn’t know how much time we had but she knew it would be happening. She said the thing that did shock her was the amount of blood.
I, obviously, have a lot of different emotions about all of this. I’ll save that for another post though.
I appreciate all the support and prayers you’ve been offering up for my family. I continue to need strength. Strength to watch my tiny, new son endure things he shouldn’t have to, strength to know how to balance my time with Gavin and time at the hospital, strength to heal and do all that I can to make me better so I can be there for everyone else and strength to just do everything that needs to be done. I’m pooped.
